Vermouth: What's the point?

Well, I'll tell you.

Vermouth is classed as a fortified and aromatised wine. So according to the useful website http://vermouth101.com/, this means that it has been infused with botanicals to add flavour and colour, and also that the alcohol percentage of the wine has been increased by the addition of spirits. It’s a good way to improve bad wine.

I didn’t know what vermouth was until I started making cocktails, and found that it was used in quite a few (including the world famous Martini), though I had seen it in several Italian cookery recipes. Never though, had I heard of anyone actually drinking it. Apparently that does happen, and you can drink it over ice.

I’ve acquired a couple of bottles – one was brought over by my friend Dave for my first ever cocktail bonanza, and the other was a cheap one that I bought from Aldi for cooking. I had added them to a couple of cocktails, but recently I thought I’d try drinking them.

I understand from the very informative website I referenced earlier that the quality of your vermouth deteriorates pretty quickly, and I’m afraid I’ve had these two bottles for quite a while now, so I can’t pretend that they’re going to taste fresh and exactly as they should, but… I really like them. 

Vermouth101.com suggests you should use a vacuum pump to evacuate air from open bottles before storing, store the bottle in the fridge, keep it away from heat and light, and drink it quickly. I did none of those things, so it’s quite astonishing that I enjoyed them so much. Actually, I did drink them quite quickly, but only after they’d been opened and stored on top of the kitchen cupboard for months.

Neither appear to be premium brands, and information on the internet is limited-to-none. Vinelli is an Aldi product, and therefore its origins and pedigree are somewhat ambiguous, though it was awarded a ‘Gold – Best in Class’ award at the 2010 International Wine and Spirit Competition. Judging is blind, so that’s fairly encouraging.

The Castini does taste a little stale, but it’s very dry, while the Vinelli is very sweet. Both are refreshing, and on the strength of these I think I could find a place for vermouth in my psychological drinks cabinet.

There are times when I want a simple, refreshing [, alcoholic] drink but I don’t want a beer (or cider) and I don’t want to think about mixing things. Cocktails can be fun, but sometimes you don’t want to fanny about picking one and making it. And whisky is delicious, but sometimes you need something you can attack with big swigs.

I could imagine vermouth would be a good drink to accompany a meal so recently, as Brenda and I sat down for dinner at the Lake District’s The Swan Hotel and Spa – a pleasantly swanky and middle aged (in a good way) retreat – I had a flash of inspiration. Wine doesn’t interest me, and I didn’t fancy a beer (I’d just had one in our room), but I did want something quite refreshing, so I decided I’d put the hypothesis that you should be able to drink whatever you like, when you like and how you like to the test, and try ordering vermouth.

It was a fun little adventure. I asked for dry vermouth, over ice and the waitress immediately looked confused and carefully wrote down exactly what I’d said. Clearly I’d made an unusual request – a fact that became more apparent when the waitress returned a couple of minutes later to regrettably inform me that they didn’t have any “ver… mouth,” and would I like anything else.

No, that was ok. I couldn’t really think of anything else I wanted, though I was surprised they didn’t have any – what if someone ordered a martini? Life isn’t a Bond film and this isn’t Monte Carlo, so I guess it isn’t so common an occurrence as I grew up thinking it might be. Nevertheless, a few minutes after that the waitress returned holding a bottle of Noilly Prat - like when they show you the wine you selected. They didn’t know what it was, but they had Googled ‘vermouth’, and found that they did have some. Brenda and I were pleased to be able to commend them for their tenacity and customer service, and I got to act all knowledgeable, explaining what vermouth was – Brenda chimed in with, “it’s used to make a martini!” -  as well as feel a bit special since, with the help of the waitress, I had scored a victory for ordering what you want. Take that, wine!

Thinking back now, I suppose it would have been fun to have ordered another obscure drink, and then see how many drinks I could order that they didn’t have. I probably don’t know that many obscure drinks.

How was it? Well, it was enjoyable, and it didn’t taste much different from the Castini I had been drinking at home. I had been concerned about my Castini having deteriorated given that I’d had it for so long, but on this evidence the deterioration wasn’t that acute.

On the negative side, my drink was a lot smaller than it would have been if I’d poured it myself, but that’s always the way, I suppose. In terms of quantity it was probably equivalent to a double measure, and it came in a whisky glass (more of a tumbler, I suppose – not one of those whisky glasses that experts say you should drink from but no one has them and you can’t buy them anywhere…).

I like to put four or five ice cubes in a wine glass, and pour a generous measure – about the quantity of a nice glass of wine, so perhaps the next step is to be specific about how I want it – I could say, “three fingers of dry vermouth with ice – in a wine glass” or, “pour until you think you’ve poured too much, and then pour a little bit more.” Something like that.

Vermouth 101 states that in Europe vermouth is primarily thought of as a ‘standalone aperitif’, and is served neat, chilled or over ice in 2-3 oz servings – that’s 2-3 measures as far as I’m aware. To make things simpler, I could ask for 3 measures of vermouth with ice… but I think that might not be quite enough. Whatever. Will I actually be ordering vermouth again? I don’t know; time will tell.

When we got the bill the vermouth was £2.20, so that didn’t strike me as being too bad.

So vermouth: give it a try.

Now, since it’s Friday I’d just like to mention the weekend. I’d love this blog to be able to provide the kind of cutting edge reporting that keeps you abreast of new alcohol related developments and events but unfortunately I have a job… and this isn’t it, so I’m afraid I can’t quite be current enough in that regard. This weekend though, sees the return of the Ramsbottom Chocolate Festival.

http://chocfest.wordpress.com/

What’s that got to do with alcohol? Well, nothing obvious, but a quick glance at the programme reveals a few alcohol and chocolate related curiosities including chocolate liqueurs and chocolate beer cocktails. I’m planning on taking Brenda if the weather’s nice and the boiler repairman arrives in good time on Saturday. I have a bit of a hankering for some beer, and could be in the market for fancy chocolate flavoured liqueurs. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a debriefing of what goes on next week. If you’re in the Manchester/Bury area, take a look. You might see me there.

Booze Terminology and James Bond - Drinking it How He Likes it.

You’ll be aware that there is such a thing as accepted booze terminology – phrases like ‘on the rocks’, ‘straight up’ or er… “shaken – not stirred”.

 

I expect these terms evolved through the need for simplicity and brevity, so you know that if you ask for the right thing, you’ll get it – and quickly. It would probably be useful if this could be carried over into some other aspects of human interaction like… getting a haircut, for example.

How are you supposed to describe the cut you want, and be sure that the barber is going to know what you mean? I once heard a man in the chair next to me tell the barber that he wanted 40% cutting off. I thought that was quite clever, but it still wouldn’t work for me since I can’t really be sure how much I need cutting off as a percentage. And the amount would vary depending on how often you went for a haircut – unless you always went with the exact same frequency.

Maybe he measured it once after a good haircut, and now measures it before every haircut. Then he could just do a simple calculation to figure out what percentage of existing hair needs to be removed to achieve optimum hair length.

There’s a simple formula: P=100 – (x/y)*100, where P is percentage to be removed, x is optimum length and y is current length.

 

But what if you did your calculation and P came out to be 87.5%? Could you trust your barber to make an accurate eyeball measurement of your hair, splitting it into 100 parts and removing 87 and a half of them?

The last time I went for a haircut, a man came in after me and asked for number 2 on the back and sides, and half to be cut off the top, but more at the back than the front. The barber just looked confused.

 Anyway, I tend to be a bit bothered by some of these drinking terms [remember, I was talking about them earlier…] – ‘on the rocks’ in particular. For one thing, it means ‘with ice’, and it’s quicker to say ‘with ice’ than ‘on the rocks’. It also bothers me because… it just sounds smug – like you’re inordinately proud of yourself for ordering a drink with ice. And how come you have ‘scotch on the rocks’, but you wouldn’t ask for coke on the rocks?

Wondering about where this term came from has led me to do some very geeky internet searching. It turns out that rock (according to thefreedictionary.com) is any hard mass of consolidated mineral matter – such as a boulder. I then wondered whether water is a mineral. I thought maybe it was, since you have the game, “Animal, Vegetable or Mineral”. Supposedly everything in the world must come under those three headings. Water isn’t an animal or vegetable, so it must be a mineral. However, according to geology.com, to be a mineral a substance must satisfy 5 requirements:

1. naturally occurring (not made by humans)
2. inorganic (not produced by an organism)
3. solid
4. a limited range of chemical compositions
5. ordered atomic structure

 Water isn’t solid, so it can’t be a mineral. Ice is solid, but due to condition number 1, it can only count as a mineral if it is naturally occurring. Therefore, anytime you make, or order a drink with ice cubes, the ice only counts as rock if it was not made in a freezer.

 Therefore, I have proven that the phrase ‘on the rocks’ is stupid.

 The problem is that whenever I order a whisky with ice, and the barman always says, ‘on the rocks?’ as if I’m doing it wrong.

People might tell you that martinis are supposed to be stirred, not shaken; therefore James Bond is wrong when he has his shaken – not stirred. But that’s obvious, isn’t it? Otherwise he wouldn’t need to specify when he orders it that he doesn’t want it stirred.*

I wonder if James Bond (in a world where he actually exists as a person) ever just asked for a “martini – shaken.” 

The bar tender would have tilted his head to a slight angle, tutted and said, “actually sir, martini’s are supposed to be stirred” – in a French accent.

 “I know,” Bond would have replied, “but I want mine shaken”. 

After this happened a couple of times he would have started adding, “not stirred” to his order. It’s either that or change his drink; “forget it! I’ll just have a scotch with ice.”

“I think the gentleman means, on the rocks…”

I’m not sure which of the original Fleming books that scene is in. It’s probably an unpublished prequel to Dr No, but nevertheless, this reveals that James Bond is the living embodiment of the ethos behind Drink it How You Like It.

Once when I was in the club Space, in Ibiza, I decided to order a scotch, and I figured I’d avoid any confusion by asking for it on the rocks, since they’d be sure to understand that… but I was greeted with a blank look.

“Que?”

“On the rocks.”

“Que?”

“Scotch – on the rocks.”

“?”

“With ice.”

“Si!”

So that goes to show; on the rocks is not a universally recognised term, it isn’t scientifically accurate and I don’t have to say it if I don’t want to.

Have you ever invented a phrase like this that has caught on? I think that should be the aim, really. I’m working on it. My most successful so far is “Bread chest”, which is a term to describe the indigestion you get when you eat too much bread, too fast. It’s caught on with my friends, but needs that extra push to make it into the Oxford English Dictionary. These things take time though, so it could make it eventually.

Right! That’s it for today then. Thanks for reading this inane drivel. There’s a good chance I’ll be back with a post later in the week, but until then feel free to comment.

I've realised that I haven't provided any booze porn for you today. I know that's the main reason you come here, so here's a picture I found on my phone - from when I owned a watch that wasn't broken and a phone that had a working camera on it. That must have been my birthday last year, since I'm wearing my smart shirt. It's one of my top 3 whiskies, Caol Ila 12 year old.

 

·        * It transpires from checking in my three cocktail books, that there are martinis that are made by shaking and not by stirring. Perhaps this is a result of James Bond’s influence? I’m going to say for the sake of argument, for future comic effect, and because it’s encouraging to people like me who want to be awkward and do things differently from time to time, that it is.