Yay! Florida! Yes,
it is probably one of the last places I’d ever choose to go on holiday but… why
not? The thinking here was that it is a useful halfway point (in a way) between
Mrs Cake and I, and our relatives in Canada. Since we wouldn’t be going to see
them at Christmas this year, why not meet for a holiday? Somewhere hot. And go
to Disney World. What? You heard me.
Yes, I have two
young nieces (and an overenthusiastic brother-in-law (set to vibrate)) who
would love the fuck out of a week in theme parks, water parks and whatever else
goes on out there. For me it could be like Fear
and Loathing on the Cartoon Trail… it sounded fun – bizarre, but fun – so I
hatched a plan to take my hip flask with me and just get hammered the whole
time.
Before you waste any
time reading further only to be disappointed; I didn’t bother taking my
hipflask. I’m not an alcoholic! I
need to keep reminding myself of that. Nearly everywhere I go now, I say to
myself, “hey, this would be fun if you
took your hipflask”… but yeah, then I’d be an alcoholic. There’s a time and
a place. I just need to find a sensible way of devising what time and place
that is. Moving on.
Duty Free part 1
Outward duty free of
course. That’s right, the discerning booze tourist needs to pick something up
to enjoy during the holiday. You can always get something when you get there,
but I’d already decided that any purchases made in the states would be for
bringing home.
So I had a look
around, and most of the stuff was more than I wanted to pay. I ended up
plumping for a Dewar’s 12 blend at something like £8 off (£19.99).
It turns out I’ve
been done. It’s just a rebranding of the 12 year old “double aged” that
I picked up about 3 years ago in Spain and if it wasn’t £8 off, it would be a
complete rip-off. Sure, the bottle is more attractive and it actually comes
with a stopper instead of a screwcap, but it tastes pretty much the same and,
even worse, when I do the £ to cl calculation, it turns out I’ve paid exactly the same amount I did back then
– to like, 3 decimal places (£0.285 per cl – what the actual fuck?). I mean, I wouldn’t mind but I thought I was
getting something I hadn’t tried before – and at a discount.
Did I enjoy it
though? Well, it was all right. It still has the grainy element I associate
with cheapish blends, and this one isn’t even all that cheap. It’s no better
than a Grouse, a Whyte and MacKay, or even a number of the supermarket blends.
Still, it was nice to have something to relax with after a long day out in
Florida, or on the parks, or just to accompany a cigar in the afternoon on the
resort.
Dewar's 12 |
Mission
It would be a few
days before our Canadian family would join us so Mrs Cake and I rented a car
and did touristy things like visiting the NASA centre and swimming with
manatees. I also used the mobility to indulge my search for bourbon. I figured
I’d pick up one bottle from a liquor store and one from the duty free.
We didn’t have any
trouble finding liquor stores, there
were plenty about, it’s just that none of them were particularly good. Next
time I’ll have to do some liquor store research in advance along with the
normal product research.
I’d made a shortlist
of targets, but I was finding the same uninteresting products like Jack Daniels
(and varieties) and Jim Beam (and varieties) in every store. One had the Bookers’,
which I’ve read is supposed to be the best, but I didn’t want to blow $80 in
one go.
One of the stores
had a few varieties of moonshine, which I wish I’d considered now, but I’d gone
prepared only to pick up bourbon. In the end I opted for this – it’s a single
barrel edition of Four Roses. Four Roses was on my shortlist, but I found soon
after that I’d specified a limited edition, and while this single barrel is
considered better than the standard edition, it isn’t the imited edition I was
after. It’s still interesting though, and at $42 + tax, a modest price.
Four Roses is made
from 2 different mashbills and 5
different yeast strains, making 10 different recipes. There are a variety of
bottlings comprised of blends of various recipes, but these single barrel ones
are, as suggested by the name, produced from one recipe – and indeed, one
barrel.
It’s bottled at an
encouraging 50%, with the warehouse location and barrel number handwritten on
each label. Quite a nice touch. You can learn a bit more here.
That would be all the booze hunting till the end of the
holiday, though I assure you, you can buy bottles of spirits in the resorts.
It’s just the selection isn’t extensive and I’m not making any guarantees about
the price – they don’t put prices on anything in the “general store” at the
Port Orleans Riverside resort, and it’s probably a case of if you have to ask, you can’t afford it, but you probably need it.
a gre't fuck off manatee |
Disney World
There is no, repeat:
no booze at the Magic Kingdom. ”How can
it possibly be magic, then?” you may
well ask. “Is it all psychedelics and
weed?”
No, this isn’t San
Francisco in the early-mid 60s! It’s for kids. I know! I figured there must be
some bars there, you know, fo’ t’dads. But no, in the Magic Kingdom park itself
not even the restaurants sell beer. [I have heard talk of a secret VIP venue
where you can get a drink, but… I’m not a secret VIP].
So er, yeh. Nothing
much else for us to talk about there unless you want to hear about rides (there’s
a bit on the log flume where I definitely heard the line, “come on, show us yer balls” in the song that was being played) or
the weather, or the Princess Breakfast where
you have an extortionately priced but disproportionately average breakfast
while actresses dressed as Disney “princesses” circle the tables posing for
photos with the children. Snow White called me Grumpy despite having a beaming
smile on my face at the time. I looked around, “Grumpy? I’m feeling positively
jovial – in spite of the aforementioned breakfast discrepancy.” She clarified
it was because I had a beard, which I accepted at the time, but then; all the
dwarves have beards don’t they? Except Dopey.
Don’t worry the prohibition
does not stretch over the rest of the site. In Downtown Disney for example,
there are a number of themed bars, stands selling shit margaritas for $5 a
time, restaurants and even a bowling alley that is remarkable value compared to
what you have to pay to bowl here in the UK. The beer tends to be interesting
and good quality though at an average price of $8.50 perhaps a little pricey.
You can also get ice
cold Ethiopian beers at the Animal Kingdom park, enjoy a burger with a beer at
the Typhoon Lagoon waterpark and authentic German beers at the Biergarten buffet at Epcot. Just be
warned, they can be a bit funny about IDs. Your UK driving license should be fine, but one “cast member”
advised us that some places insist on seeing your passport. If you don’t want
to carry that around with you, you can take a photo of the appropriate page and
keep it on your phone. It wasn’t a problem for us though; I suppose I’m wrinkly
enough. Mind you, I recall now one instance where they asked for ID and I went,
“how about if I do this?” then smiled
to show my wrinkles. She just looked at me, probably thinking I thought I could
bypass the ID by smiling.
So I didn’t really
get hammered while I was there – I didn’t really give it my best effort if I’m
being honest, but I did try to maintain the British tradition of getting
slightly loaded before heading out in the evening and I did enjoy the beers we
picked up along the way.
Here’s a little
breakdown (in association with my Untappd
account) of all the beers I was able to procure throughout the holiday and
(where possible) the venue.
Magic Hat Dream
Machine (5.7%) – Splitsville, Downtown Disney. An IPL if I remember correctly.I enjoyed it very much, and the food
that accompanied it. 4.5/5
Michelob AmberBock,
Anheuser Busch (5.1%) – Cody’s Roadhouse, Crystal River. A nice traditional type bar that you’ve seen on TV and films countless
times. So familiar in fact that you look around and wonder when a fight is
going to break out or someone’s going to call you “boy” and state that you’re
not from around there. This doesn’t happen though because Americans are nice,
ordinary people like anyone else.
4/5
Redhook Longhammer
IPA (6.2%) – Orlando supermarket. The
first of two varieties of IPA bought for keeping in our room fridge. 4/5
Rebel IPA, Boston
Beer Company/Samuel Adams (6.5%) – Orlando supermarket. And the second. 4/5
Yuengling
Traditional (4.4%) – Splitsville. We were
in a bit of a hurry, but were able to get my second one “to go”. Bonus. 4/5
St George Beer,
Kombolcha Brewery (4.5%) – Animal Kingdom. Ethiopian
lager served from a stand at the Animal Kingdom. A bit picky about IDs, but
worth the hassle for the ice cold condition it came in. 3.5/5
Longboard Island
Lager, Kona Brewing Company (4.6%) – Animal Kingdom Lodge. An African themed restaurant where the food is Indian and the beer is
American. If you’re from the UK you aren’t going to be impressed by the curries
on offer here, but at least there’s a good variety of strong beers. 3/5
Hopageddon, Napa
Smith Brewery (9.2%) – Animal Kingdom Lodge. 4/5
Ranger American IPA,
New Belgium Brewing Company (6.5%) – Animal Kingdom Lodge – I chose to have another beer instead of
dessert. 4/5
Session Black Lager,
Full Sail Brewing Company (5.4%) – 50s Primetime CafĂ©. Fucking bizarre place where menacing, over-sized waiters prowl around
insisting you don’t rest your elbows on the fucking tables. Who’s the fucking
customer here? Again, decent beer helps to compensate for the slightly
uncomfortable atmosphere that is supposed to be fun and sub-par food. 3.5/5
Bud Light,
Anheuser-Busch (4.2%) – I’m not proud of
it, but my brother-in-law bought some cans for the resort. 2.5/5
Schofferhofer
Hefeweizen, Binding Brauerei (5%) – Biergarten Restaurant. I think you can get this in bottles at Aldi. 4/5
Altenmunster
Oktoberfest, Allgauer Brauhaus (5.5%) – Biergarten Restaurant – there were four German beers to choose from,
and I would have had them all, but after a couple of visits to the buffet I
just wanted to get out of there. Most expensive buffet ever, and they actually
expected a tip at the end – when you’d been serving yourself the whole time. 3.5/5
So you can see,
there’s quite a lot of
beer to explore when you’re in the United States. Looking back over the star
ratings I’ve given these, I see I’ve given 4 out of 5 on no fewer than 7
occasions. That’s pretty remarkable. So, on to…
Duty Free part 2
Ah, the return leg.
One last thing to look forward to before a long, uncomfortable and sleepless night
flight, jet lag and a return to work. There’s something soul-destroying about
stepping off a plane into a cold Manchester Airport and knowing for the first
time in a week, that this temperature isn’t the air conditioning. This is life.
Your life. How do you do it? And the duty free was never going to stave off the
gathering grey skies. Problem is, you just never know what to expect from Duty
Free – you can only hope there’s a rich selection of interesting products to
choose from. Aaaaaand… at Orlando Airport, there isn’t.
The only bourbon
they had that wasn’t some variety of Jack Daniels, Jim Beam or Woodford Reserve
was Bulleit, and that wasn’t on my wishlist, nor did I even know what it was at
the time – I’ve since checked the Whisky Bible, and it seems it’s very
good though.
The disappointment was
almost crushing. I decided to look to the scotch for inspiration. That turned
out to consist of the usual selection of Johnnie Walkers, Ballantines, Bell’s’…
they did have the Highland Park Harald at $96 but… this just won’t do.
I seriously
considered getting the Harald but, realising I hadn’t opened the Einar that I’d
picked up in Spain yet and ultimately, even if they didn’t have specific
bourbons I wanted, I may as well get bourbon anyway cos: when else am I going
to buy bourbon if it isn’t when I’m in the United States?
So I went for these:
different varieties of brands I was already familiar with. One is the Woodford
Reserve Double Oaked (45.2% ABV and $49 for 75cl) and the other is Jim Beam
Black 8 year old (43% and a bargainous $25
for one litre!).
These should be
products that are ripe for comparison really, since both are aged longer than
their entry level counterparts – the white Jim Beam is aged for only 4 years.
Interestingly, that
Jim Beam Black works out in terms of cl per pound to be the third cheapest whisky I’ve ever bought.
That’s amazing because only the Cutty Sark I bought in Spain and Wall Street
(which isn’t even really whisky) from Vietnam have been cheaper.
So I’m not overly
excited about these, but I do at least have two poker nights coming up this
month, so I’ll save at least two of my purchases for those. Also, from what I
can tell so far, you can’t get the Woodford Reserve Double Oaked in the UK
[this has since turned out not to be true], so I have at least achieved one of
my booze tourism aims there [no, I haven’t]. You’ll just have to join me later
for my verdict on them. And I really hope you do.
In the meantime, a
self-imposed prohibition continues in my life until the mini-Cake comes along.
I’m sure I’ll write about how hellish it has been eventually, but in the
meantime I’ve always got booze related posts waiting for you. And next week I
can see that the focus will shift to absinthe once again. See you back here for
that.