A tribute to hip flasks

Hip flasks are ace, aren’t they? Have you got one? Everyone should have at least one – are you skint, but you need to go out? Are you going somewhere that the drinks are going to be too expensive? Are you going somewhere dull? Can you not stand the 8 deep queue at the bar? Do you need to smuggle booze into somewhere?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then the hip flask is for you. It’s the acceptable, covert side of hard drinking.

I still remember (in fact I still have) my first one. Brenda bought it for me on our first anniversary (of going out). It was engraved with my initials, and a special message. I’d thought we weren’t buying each other anything. That didn’t go down well, and our evening out ended in tears. She still reminds me of it sometimes.

As I say, I still have it, but I can’t use it anymore. After a while it developed a cool dent, and soon after that it developed a tiny hole in the bottom. I used it to smuggle vodka around town when the amount of alcohol I could afford wasn’t commensurate with the amount I wanted to drink. I also used it to smuggle vodka into the Leeds Festival because I didn’t want to bother weaving into crowds of drunks carrying overpriced cups of Carling, before weaving out again to visit the legendary facilities.

A tip for you: if you carry a bag, you can put your hip flask in the pocket of your combat pants – they are contoured to comfortably and discreetly fit against your body. Security will search your bag for alcohol, but never think that you could be carrying it in your trousers. Happy days.

The hip flask I have now is larger, and has the advantage of a cap that is secured to the flask itself in just the right position to ensure you can screw it back on easily every time.

Weddings, sporting events, work (or maybe not), shopping trips… you name it, there is no occasion or activity that isn’t enlivened by the presence a small booze capsule, snugly concealed inside your jacket or trou.

And now; over to you. If you can be bothered, please post a picture of your hip flask, or a picture of you enjoying a crafty tug on your hip flask, and maybe mention what you like to put in it. There’s no incentive for you to do so besides looking cool. Because hip flasks are cool, and by association, by owning one, you too, are cool. And that’s a fact.